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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?